Romantic Drawing Artist

My death

2008-09-01T19:57:00.001-07:00

leaning against the wall staring darkness in the face,
thinking of everyone i've lost but all that i've embraced,
with wrists bloody and hurting in pain,
I scream in silence the lords name in vain,
he doesn't answer me cause nothing comes out,
no matter how loud I scream or shout,
as I sit there in shame I think about the family I wish I had,
remembering those days wanting to know my dad,
what must I do to escape this nightmare,
I close my eyes and I can hear my lungs fill with air,
I tell myself this is the end my death,
but as I start to fade away I start to think twice but it's too late I just took my last breathe

In Misery

2008-08-12T03:03:00.000-07:00

I try to tell myself your gone
but your words still linger me
because you left I live my life alone
you can't move on how do I set you free
trapped in these enclosed walls I scream but no one hears
I wonder the empty halls
filled with all these dark fears
I see my breathe it's so cold i'm shivering with emptyness can't you tell
your words my heart can't hold
living life without you is hell

I stupid little crush on this boy

2008-08-12T03:02:00.000-07:00

ugh.
I am not obssessed
I'm just not gonna give it a rest
fuck what you say
Maybe without you it would make my day
why would you deny my face
I tingle with your every embrace
i'm done cashing you
I can't wait til you understand it could be just us two
I thought I meant so much more
who cares anymore go fuck some whores.....

Poem

2008-06-27T17:09:00.000-07:00

Forced to think that hell is a place called home,
life's like a sticky melted ice cream cone,
having sex and doing drugs to get away from the pain,
it only cause more stress in this game,
never finding a way out of these enclosed walls in my dream,
no one notices me I'm out of breathe and can't scream

Flyleaf

2008-06-22T11:37:00.000-07:00

This band is freaking AMAZING! check it out. It's called flyleaf-

Rotatrix Friends.net

2008-06-21T17:54:00.000-07:00

This is a GREAT socializing website! When you sign up you are welcomed by many friendly, good hearted members and staff. This site allows you to make money by talking to other people. You send comments, up load pictures, talk to people and even upload videos. The more points you get the more money you earn. This is EXACTLY like MYSPACE! But the best part is you get PAID! This sounds to real to be true. but believe me it is wonderful! I enjoy signing in everyday and meeting the new people around the world. It has given a great experience. Here is the link below:

http://www.rotatrixfriends.net/signup/friend_JackieISLH07/

Fighting

2008-06-16T09:42:00.000-07:00

Listening to people fight scares me. I cannot stand the hot raging attitudes and the loud noises. I think there is always a better solution than fighting. I know I can sometimes get out of hand as well. and it is natural to get angry. But sometimes your just better off telling the other person your right and move on. You don't live to argue. Think about others around you take the fall and be the bigger man for the benefit of other's.

Paid2seek ad

2008-05-27T19:48:00.000-07:00

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Poem

2008-05-23T20:28:00.002-07:00

Love is the greatest feeling,
Love is like a play,
Love is what I feel for you,
Each and every day,
Love is like a smile,
Love is like a song,
Love is a great emotion,
That keeps us going strong,
I love you with my heart,
My body and my soul,
I love the way I keep loving,
Like a love I can't control,
So remember when your eyes meet mine,
I love you with all my heart,
And I have poured my entire soul into you,
Right from the very start.

Poem

2008-05-23T20:28:00.001-07:00

I love the way you look at me,
Your eyes so bright and blue.
I love the way you kiss me,
Your lips so soft and smooth.

I love the way you make me so happy,
And the ways you show you care.
I love the way you say, "I Love You,"
And the way you're always there.

I love the way you touch me,
Always sending chills down my spine.
I love that you are with me,
And glad that you are mine.

Diary...

2008-05-23T20:21:00.000-07:00

Today,
Was just one of those days you don't want to talk about. That went completely horrible but you ended up having a great time with someone you love at the end of the night. I have made plenty of mistakes today, but I have also learned that yelling doesn't get you anywhere, and if your frustrated just say so you'll never know how much the other person will understand. A calm voice will scare away wrath.

Love

2008-05-17T19:54:00.000-07:00

Family,
definition: two or more people living under one roof. Me and my family have ups and downs. But I take everything they say with respect. They give me the most and best advice. I know we don't always get along but I know things happen for a reason and they love me. I love every minute I get with my family. I know they won't always be here with me so I try to spend as much time with them as possible. One day I'll wake up and the ones I loved the most could have gone to heaven. So next time you have a hard time with your family or spouse make up and live your life with them like there's no tomorrow. I have learned the hard way. If only you could listen to me and take my advice. But life is a little more complicated than that.

Poem

2008-05-15T19:47:00.000-07:00

Everyday I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders,
me and my family get further not closer,
what am I do to,
with a family like you,
I beg the lord like I'm gasping for my last breathe,
maybe it's his way of giving me a test,
because I feel I have failed I sit in my room waiting for sanity,
the memories of my past flash through my head so quickly,
I watch the world around me play like a movie,
the only problem is it's moving so slowly.

Poem

2008-05-15T19:42:00.000-07:00

Everyday in life we face a war,
not knowing the consequences but still wanting more,
people will die day after day,
until no one is left cause their all blown way,
everyone's doing drugs and pullin out guns,
soon this world won't be safe for our sons,
all these people having altercations,
when the time comes we won't be able to face them,
father send us some guidance from above,
people need to learn to love,
when will all this quit?

Love Poem

2008-04-27T13:02:00.000-07:00

After all this I am confused,
I am still not sure how to feel about you,
I still don't know how you ever felt about me,
I don't know if you cried over me like I cried over you,
the only thing I am certain of is,
I will never find another you,
missing you isn't the hard part,
it is knowing that I once had you
that breaks my heart.

Leona Lewis song Remix

2008-04-04T14:30:00.000-07:00

closed off from love I didn't need the pain,
once or twice was enough but i'm done playing games,
time starts to pass before you know it your frozen,
something happened for the first time with you,
when I saw you me heart melted to the ground I found something true,
and everyone's looking around like i'm going crazy,
but I don't care what they say i'm in love with you,
they try to pull me away but they don't know the truth,
my hearts ripped like the vein I keep cutting,
you cut me open and I keep bleeding,
I try not to hear but they talk so loud,
peircing my ears trying to fill me without,
yet I know the goal is to keep me from falling for your face,
but nothings greater than the rush that comes with your embrace,
in this world you are everyone around me,
fixing to go crazy,
but I don't care what they say I'm in love with you,
they try to pull me away but they don't know the truth,
my hearts ripped like the vein I keep cutting,
you blame it all on me i'm still bleeding,
i'll be wearing these clothes for everyone to see,
I don't care what they say I'm in love with you,
they try to pull me away but they don't know the truth.

The End

Deceiving me

2008-03-30T16:13:00.000-07:00

When I said I loved you,
It was a lie.
Lust is what
I felt inside.
I'm still wondering
what love is,
This couldn't have been it,
it wasn't all bliss.
We definitely wouldn't
be good together;
The two of us mixing
was like bad weather.
You were snow,
and I was the sun.
The task of staying together
could never be done.
If I say this over and over,
maybe I'll believe.
I'll get out of this okay,
if I can deceive me.

Love Poem

2008-03-21T16:29:00.000-07:00

You ask what is love?
To some love is hurtful,
to others love is cheerful,
some say love is love,
some think love is like a dove,
is beautiful and caring,
some say love is just daring,
love is also like a book,
you can't judge by it's look.
Love is just there,
I think it shows how you care,
it's not there to stare,
love is incredible although it's no edible,
love is what most want they never know it will haunt,
what happens when it's over,
does your heart split in three like a clover,
next time you ask yourself what is love?
Will you think it 's like a glove ready to pull your heart out,
it will make you pout,
love is something hiding it's waiting to attack,
so you better have a comeback.
What is love?
You tell me......

Finding the right words...

2008-03-21T16:16:00.000-07:00

Oh gentle winds 'neath moonlit skies,
Do you not hear my heartfelt cries?

Below the branches, here about,
Do you sense my fear and doubt?
Side glistening rivers, sparkling streams,
Do you hear my woeful screams?

Upon the meadows, touched with dew,
Do you not see my hearts a'skew?
Beneath the thousand twinkling stars,
Do you feel my jagged scars?

Seek not my mournful heart kind breeze,
For you'll not find it 'mongst these trees.

It's scattered 'cross the moonlit skies,
Accompanied by heartfelt sighs.
It's drifting o're the gentle rain,
A symbol of my silent pain.

It's buried 'neath the meadow fair,
Conjoined with all the sorrow there.
It's lost among the stars this night,
Far too much to ease my quiet fright.

No gentle winds, seek my heart,
For simply ... it has torn apart

life as it is

2008-03-21T16:02:00.000-07:00

This was going to be a positive note but I decided to let you understand a few things about myself. I am 14 have had a lot of problems and I am a strong survivor of a few things that 1 out of every four girls go through during their childhood or even adult hood. I am not going to explain myself and tell you what those problems were but I will tell you it was tough, and I am very proud of myself for growing immune d, and solving my problems before they got out of control. I have learned new coping mechanism and ways of living to grow stronger from what I've been through. Rather than live in self pitty and be depressed because of it. I am tired of people telling me they can't do anything about it. but if you honestly set your mind to what you are going through and understand you can have a better healthier life than you can do it. All it takes is a few patients and faith in yourself. If you can't forgive yourself than you can't forgive anyone else. Everything is inside you. Be what you want to be with great pride and don't ever say NEVER!

Life

2007-09-16T08:48:00.000-07:00

Life... what is life and WHY do we only have one? I am a christian but at times I doubt myself and the person who put us on this earth. Or HOW we got here. for ONCE I want a straight honest answer. Where did we come from... primates? or a so called god?, Why is it that earth is SO perfectly made down to the LAST blade of grass to where we are able to survive. Life... makes NO sense but we deal with it everyday. If we know the consequences of something why do we still do it?...There are SO many questions that even the smartest sientists can't answer... but will they go unanswered for ever?... or will one day someone find the truth. No one really knows. I guess we will just have to deal with life until that someday comes.

Tough Love

2007-08-23T17:16:00.000-07:00

The people in our lives that we live with everyday have some type of emotion or feeling for us. Most of our family loves us but do you EVER realize how HARD on you they are? Well the ONLY explanation I can come up with is.. it's TOUGH LOVE! These people love you but discipline and tell when your doing things wrong so that you'll learn and UNDERSTAND! they ARE NOT doing it purposely to make you mad or annoyed unless it's your little 8 year old brother lol... =D Tough LOVE is an unhappy, unpleasant thing.. but will help you through your days and help you UNDERSTAND! and if it's family doing this to you more than likely you'll LEARN! lol...

Questions:

2007-08-11T19:19:00.000-07:00

What is sadness. We know it's an emotion but why? do we get sad. and why does it stay with us..? here's ANOTHER question: I myself believe in god. But what made this world why is EVERYTHING like so perfectly planned to where we have just ENOUGH oxygen and HOW the water cycles move and EVERYTHING is SO perfectly made to where we are ABLE to live and survive?. And everyone KNOWs we have mass but what if there WASN'T gravity.. I mean I know we would float around but what about the people who are standing right side up since we have weight would we float away and way NOTHING or still be standing.. Also... what's out side of the universe are there ACTUALLY other life forms out there? And one LAST thing... If we had no gravity and all how would we know when the world was right side up if there's no top and bottom to our universe or galaxy?

Emotions

2007-08-11T18:35:00.000-07:00

Many people tell you NOT to morne over things and to face your fears but what they don't UNDERSTAND is crying IS A WAY of facing them and coping with them... you are expressing your feelings and emotions... Crying shows you have feeling or a HEART for that someone OR something.. It shows you CARED.. and miss it. Love is a behavior not an emotion it's something you have EVERYDAY for that special someone not ONLY on days when your day is going well.

Myspace

2007-08-10T21:03:00.000-07:00

Teenagers have a myspace cause they are bored. More than HALF of us are on there to see our friends and chat NOT meet random people online. We know right from wrong. and Myspace should NOT be all over the news.. There might be people getting rapped and stuff on there but that's because they GIVE OUT their personal info NOT because of myspace itself.. Tom made this site so people could have fun not get killed or for ANYONE to fight over it. Parents OVER REACT when.. Kids FINALLY get a myspace. and we WOULDN'T have to go behind our parents backs to get one if they would JUST TRSUT US!.I KNOW this sounds like a bunch of BS.. but it's TRUE!. Parents should learn to trust us more and KNOW we would do the right things and MAKE the right choices.. Myspace is sorta JUST AN EXCUSE for them to use against us kids and teenagers when they have parents have their OWN problems they can't figure out and they wanna yell and raise hell... Well that's their way of using it against us... and YES I agree it's NOT fair but what can we say we HAVE to listen to you guys so... It's off to boarding school and reading books :(

Rain "quote"

2007-08-04T20:11:00.001-07:00

If you wanna see a rianbow you have to put up with the RAIN!

If you want true love you have to put up with the PAIN!

Jealousy "quote"

2007-08-04T20:10:00.000-07:00

Jealousy is nothing more than a lack of self confidence!

Here are a few tips:

2007-08-04T20:09:00.001-07:00

You might agree with it, but when it actually happens 99% of girls dont realize it 'til it is too late and that guy who did it is so frustrated that he has moved on to someone who will take notice.

From a guys point of view:

We don't care if you talk to other guys.

We don't care if you're friends with other guys.

But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off.

It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there.

We don't care if a guy calls you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned.

Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it can't wait
till the morning.

Also, when we tell you you're pretty/ beautiful/ gorgeous/
cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it.

Don't tell us we're wrong.

We'll stop trying to convince you.

The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.
Yeah, you can quote me.

Don't be mad when we hold the door open. Take Advantage of the mood im in.

let us pay for you! dont "feel bad" about it

We enjoy doing it. It's expected.

Smile and say "thank you."

Kiss us when no one's watching.

If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed.

You don't have to get dressed up for us.

If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own.

We like you for who you are and not what you are.

honestly, i think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's. or my tshirt and boxers, not all dolled up

Don't take everything we say seriously.

Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it.

Don't get angry easily.

Stop using magazines/media as your bible.

Don't talk about how hott Morris Chesnutt, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us.

It's boring, and we don't care. You have girlfriends for that.

Whatever happened to the word "handsome"/"beautiful"

I'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me
with "Hey handsome!" instead of "Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy" or whatever else you can think of.

on the other hand im not sayin i woulndnt like it ether ; )

Girls, I cannot stress this enough:if you aren't being treated right by a guy, dont't wait for him to change.ditch his sorry,disgrace to the male population ass and find someone who will treat you with utter respect

Someone who will honor your morals.

Someone who will make you smile when you're at your
lowest.

Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes.

Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel.

Someone who will stop what theyre doing just to look you in the eyes....and say "i love you" ..and actually mean it.

Give the nice guys a chance

HINTS?!?!?!

*Holdin Hands
Girls :If you want to hold his hand, gently bump into it a couple of
times.
Guys : Grab it if it happens more than once.

*Cuddling
Girls : When you want to cuddle with him, tell him you're cold
Guys : Automatically move closer to her.

*Movies
Girls : During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his shoulder
Guys : Lift her chin up and kiss her.

*Loving each other

Guys : When she tells you she loves you, look deep into her eyes, give her a peck on the lips, and tell her you love her
too... And mean it.

*Laying below the stars

Girls : When you're both laying under the stars, put your head on his chest and close your eyes as you listen to his steady heart beat
Guys : Whisper in her ear and link your hands with hers.

I hope you guys and girls take this advice cause it's not everyday that someone tells you step by step how to keep a relationship in good shape!Or keep it interesting!

2007-08-04T19:10:00.000-07:00

Technorati Profile

Falling in Love Once again...

2007-07-31T17:52:00.000-07:00

I woke up every morningWith this smile on my faceBecause i just got done thinkingof your soft embrace.The looks you gave meMade me think you were feeling me tooSo i began to flirt a little bitAnd so did you =]Just thinking of you makes me happyEverytime i see you i get butterfliesI just love the way you make me feelI believe that you can be different from all the other guys.So this is the part where im suppose to say i love youBut in reality i want to but its to early for thatI believe it could be loveIm actually pretty sure it is perhaps

There was once a child...

2007-07-30T17:24:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time there was a small child... a child with wide eyes of innocence and security. A child that could laugh and play. A child that could cry and be comforted. A child that could make silly faces in the mirror and be glad to see silly faces looking back.
One day, this little child was crushed. Maybe it was because this small child was made to feel no good. Told not to cry. Hit with a hand or a stick. Sexually abused. It might have been the parental conflicts and family dysfunction, it might have been dad's alcoholism or mom's push of food as comfort, or maybe the death or abandonment of one or both parents. Maybe it was the ridicule by peers or the ingrained phrase "you'd be better only if..." Maybe not all of these things, maybe just one... or maybe something else. Either way this child felt bad.
As this child grew so did the bad feelings. Sometimes it was easy to feel loved with a lot of ice-cream. Sometimes it felt good to let built up anger or sadness go with vomitting. It felt good to binge and then take laxatives as a means of reaffirming the bad feelings, to self-punish. Sometimes the small child felt in control of life restricting food intake or jogging for 3 hours. The only thing this small child knew was that losing weight would make life better, and that concentrating on the food made it forgettable.
The child became overweight, binging to fill the void. "Food is my only friend, it will comfort me." The child could not seem to get enough, the void was never filled but temporarily. Plus, the excess weight made it easy to keep people away. To steer clear of vulnerability. "Life would be better if I could just lose weight." Cook books, this diet, that diet, baking. Endless hours in the kitchen preparing food. This child began purging after binges... the tension and self-hate seemed to lift, and the guilt from feeling like a glutton for so many things, for feeling selfish, for making a mistake, would fade. Laxatives and diet pills, dieuretics and fasting. "My life will be good when I lose the weight." Striving for perfection, this child began to avoid food. No more than ________ calories today... no more than ________ tomorrow. The control was unbelievable! "I'm not feeling well" or "I already ate." No more silly faces, but a tired and broken body reflecting back in the mirror saying, "just a few more pounds and life will be better."
Headaches, dizziness, fatigue and joint pain. Isolation and lonliness. Hyperactivity and insomnia. Back and chest pains. Moodiness. Depression on top of depression. Sickness."Life will surely get better soon..."And then...this overweight, this "normal" weight, this underweight child died.
The doctors said,"heart attack," "kidney failure,""stroke.""We did all we could."
I cry for this child, in the end feeling alone and like no one cared. Feeling worthless and stupid, and like a burden to those in life. I cry for this wounded child whose life ends at 12, 15, 25, 38, 55, because of Compulsive Overeating, Anorexia or Bulimia. I cry as I read the words, carved into this childs' headstone, on a small grave now far away:
I need more time to find the real me...to fly like the birds... to be set free.Why couldn't I stop until I had died?It was hate for myself hidden inside.

Negative Voices

2007-07-30T17:23:00.000-07:00

In terms of an Eating Disorder, the voices we hear, they are the voice we give to our own self-hate and lack of self-worth. They are sometimes referred to as negative voices, negative tapes, or negative thoughts.
For a person who has never suffered an Eating Disorder, the best way to understand the "voices" is to imagine your own self-dialogue. Have you ever made a mistake and berated yourself, in thought, for it? Have you ever had a hard time making a decision, and you mulled over all the pros and cons in your mind? Imagine that your own self-thinking and thoughts about yourself were nothing but negative, and imagine that it felt like the only way to get rid of that negative "voice" was by thinking about food, weight and eating.
As someone battling an Eating Disorder, there is so much confusion in hearing these "voices"... they speak from a place within us that is filled with low self-esteem, that wants to believe we deserve not to be happy, and to believe that we are worthless. I've heard them described as "loud thoughts", "my own head" and as "a voice/voices". They speak those things that convince us we're stupid, worthless, deserving to be unhappy, not to eat, to keep eating or that we have to get rid of what we ate. They tell us "the world would be better without you." They come from that place within us plagued with negativity and self-hate, encouraging us to continue with our Eating Disorder, and convincing us that we do not deserve recovery, that we deserve a life of pain.
The voices of our Eating Disorders also convince us we have no will power, that we are weak when we've eaten, and that no one will ever love us. They harass us with guilt and even berate us for the Eating Disorder behavior itself. It is no wonder recovery is so difficult and such hard work. We are battling with ourselves over what we are convinced we deserve (and that our negative voices keep reminding us of) as opposed to what we truly do deserve (recovery, happiness and self-love!).
Learning to deal with the voices is a difficult task... learning to not listen to them can be like killing your best friend. It's confusing and scary. In a lot of cases our Eating Disorders have kept us focused off of ourselves and emotions, and if we stop listening to the voices, well then what will feed our Eating Disorder? One of the essential ingredients to recovery is learning to love yourself, and the voices fight hard to keep that from happening. Once we can all conquer the voice or voices inside of us that continue to reinforce our negativity, we will find our path to the other side.

Have you ever...

2007-07-30T16:48:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt like breaking down.. and runng away...?
I have....=/
Life isn't simple.. it's not like eating a peice of pie... it's like hard candy you gotta work on it til you have the right chance to take a bite and make it different... The things in life aren' simple.. and will need work.. Did you know more than 83% of the time in our lives we try fixing problems that only god knows how to fix.. but we keep telling ourselves it'll work it's gotta.. but never happens.=/... We just need to know when we are about to do the wrong things that there is ALWAYS gonna be a consequence and there will ALWAYS be a backfire whether it be good or bad =/... Life is almost like a teacher and we are it's students.. You have all heard the saying we learn from our mistakes well... if the world is our teacher.. then we must be learning alot.. becuase of all the mistakes the world has and things but it seems no matter how much we pay attention we still make those SAME mistakes... over.. and... over again.. knowing the SAME result is gonna happen each time.. =/
What is it we don't understand?.. is it the wanting/ or need to do wrong things or just habit... or sin.... taking over..? who knows but what we do KNOW is that our mistakes will just get worse or bigger cause we don't learn from them... A wise man.. once said.. If you do not remember the past you are condemned to repeat it and he is right... It goes for everything no matter WHAT you do.. if you do not remember what you did wrong you'll make the same mistake twice or even MORE times..=/