My death

leaning against the wall staring darkness in the face,
thinking of everyone i've lost but all that i've embraced,
with wrists bloody and hurting in pain,
I scream in silence the lords name in vain,
he doesn't answer me cause nothing comes out,
no matter how loud I scream or shout,
as I sit there in shame I think about the family I wish I had,
remembering those days wanting to know my dad,
what must I do to escape this nightmare,
I close my eyes and I can hear my lungs fill with air,
I tell myself this is the end my death,
but as I start to fade away I start to think twice but it's too late I just took my last breathe

In Misery

I try to tell myself your gone
but your words still linger me
because you left I live my life alone
you can't move on how do I set you free
trapped in these enclosed walls I scream but no one hears
I wonder the empty halls
filled with all these dark fears
I see my breathe it's so cold i'm shivering with emptyness can't you tell
your words my heart can't hold
living life without you is hell

I stupid little crush on this boy

ugh.
I am not obssessed
I'm just not gonna give it a rest
fuck what you say
Maybe without you it would make my day
why would you deny my face
I tingle with your every embrace
i'm done cashing you
I can't wait til you understand it could be just us two
I thought I meant so much more
who cares anymore go fuck some whores.....

Poem

Forced to think that hell is a place called home,
life's like a sticky melted ice cream cone,
having sex and doing drugs to get away from the pain,
it only cause more stress in this game,
never finding a way out of these enclosed walls in my dream,
no one notices me I'm out of breathe and can't scream

Flyleaf

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Fighting

Listening to people fight scares me. I cannot stand the hot raging attitudes and the loud noises. I think there is always a better solution than fighting. I know I can sometimes get out of hand as well. and it is natural to get angry. But sometimes your just better off telling the other person your right and move on. You don't live to argue. Think about others around you take the fall and be the bigger man for the benefit of other's.

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Poem

Love is the greatest feeling,
Love is like a play,
Love is what I feel for you,
Each and every day,
Love is like a smile,
Love is like a song,
Love is a great emotion,
That keeps us going strong,
I love you with my heart,
My body and my soul,
I love the way I keep loving,
Like a love I can't control,
So remember when your eyes meet mine,
I love you with all my heart,
And I have poured my entire soul into you,
Right from the very start.

Poem

I love the way you look at me,
Your eyes so bright and blue.
I love the way you kiss me,
Your lips so soft and smooth.

I love the way you make me so happy,
And the ways you show you care.
I love the way you say, "I Love You,"
And the way you're always there.

I love the way you touch me,
Always sending chills down my spine.
I love that you are with me,
And glad that you are mine.

Diary...

Today,
Was just one of those days you don't want to talk about. That went completely horrible but you ended up having a great time with someone you love at the end of the night. I have made plenty of mistakes today, but I have also learned that yelling doesn't get you anywhere, and if your frustrated just say so you'll never know how much the other person will understand. A calm voice will scare away wrath.

Love

Family,
definition: two or more people living under one roof. Me and my family have ups and downs. But I take everything they say with respect. They give me the most and best advice. I know we don't always get along but I know things happen for a reason and they love me. I love every minute I get with my family. I know they won't always be here with me so I try to spend as much time with them as possible. One day I'll wake up and the ones I loved the most could have gone to heaven. So next time you have a hard time with your family or spouse make up and live your life with them like there's no tomorrow. I have learned the hard way. If only you could listen to me and take my advice. But life is a little more complicated than that.

Poem

Everyday I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders,
me and my family get further not closer,
what am I do to,
with a family like you,
I beg the lord like I'm gasping for my last breathe,
maybe it's his way of giving me a test,
because I feel I have failed I sit in my room waiting for sanity,
the memories of my past flash through my head so quickly,
I watch the world around me play like a movie,
the only problem is it's moving so slowly.

Poem

Everyday in life we face a war,
not knowing the consequences but still wanting more,
people will die day after day,
until no one is left cause their all blown way,
everyone's doing drugs and pullin out guns,
soon this world won't be safe for our sons,
all these people having altercations,
when the time comes we won't be able to face them,
father send us some guidance from above,
people need to learn to love,
when will all this quit?

Love Poem

After all this I am confused,
I am still not sure how to feel about you,
I still don't know how you ever felt about me,
I don't know if you cried over me like I cried over you,
the only thing I am certain of is,
I will never find another you,
missing you isn't the hard part,
it is knowing that I once had you
that breaks my heart.

Leona Lewis song Remix

closed off from love I didn't need the pain,
once or twice was enough but i'm done playing games,
time starts to pass before you know it your frozen,
something happened for the first time with you,
when I saw you me heart melted to the ground I found something true,
and everyone's looking around like i'm going crazy,
but I don't care what they say i'm in love with you,
they try to pull me away but they don't know the truth,
my hearts ripped like the vein I keep cutting,
you cut me open and I keep bleeding,
I try not to hear but they talk so loud,
peircing my ears trying to fill me without,
yet I know the goal is to keep me from falling for your face,
but nothings greater than the rush that comes with your embrace,
in this world you are everyone around me,
fixing to go crazy,
but I don't care what they say I'm in love with you,
they try to pull me away but they don't know the truth,
my hearts ripped like the vein I keep cutting,
you blame it all on me i'm still bleeding,
i'll be wearing these clothes for everyone to see,
I don't care what they say I'm in love with you,
they try to pull me away but they don't know the truth.


The End

Deceiving me

When I said I loved you,
It was a lie.
Lust is what
I felt inside.
I'm still wondering
what love is,
This couldn't have been it,
it wasn't all bliss.
We definitely wouldn't
be good together;
The two of us mixing
was like bad weather.
You were snow,
and I was the sun.
The task of staying together
could never be done.
If I say this over and over,
maybe I'll believe.
I'll get out of this okay,
if I can deceive me.

Love Poem

You ask what is love?
To some love is hurtful,
to others love is cheerful,
some say love is love,
some think love is like a dove,
is beautiful and caring,
some say love is just daring,
love is also like a book,
you can't judge by it's look.
Love is just there,
I think it shows how you care,
it's not there to stare,
love is incredible although it's no edible,
love is what most want they never know it will haunt,
what happens when it's over,
does your heart split in three like a clover,
next time you ask yourself what is love?
Will you think it 's like a glove ready to pull your heart out,
it will make you pout,
love is something hiding it's waiting to attack,
so you better have a comeback.
What is love?
You tell me......

Finding the right words...

Oh gentle winds 'neath moonlit skies,
Do you not hear my heartfelt cries?

Below the branches, here about,
Do you sense my fear and doubt?
Side glistening rivers, sparkling streams,
Do you hear my woeful screams?

Upon the meadows, touched with dew,
Do you not see my hearts a'skew?
Beneath the thousand twinkling stars,
Do you feel my jagged scars?

Seek not my mournful heart kind breeze,
For you'll not find it 'mongst these trees.

It's scattered 'cross the moonlit skies,
Accompanied by heartfelt sighs.
It's drifting o're the gentle rain,
A symbol of my silent pain.

It's buried 'neath the meadow fair,
Conjoined with all the sorrow there.
It's lost among the stars this night,
Far too much to ease my quiet fright.

No gentle winds, seek my heart,
For simply ... it has torn apart

life as it is

This was going to be a positive note but I decided to let you understand a few things about myself. I am 14 have had a lot of problems and I am a strong survivor of a few things that 1 out of every four girls go through during their childhood or even adult hood. I am not going to explain myself and tell you what those problems were but I will tell you it was tough, and I am very proud of myself for growing immune d, and solving my problems before they got out of control. I have learned new coping mechanism and ways of living to grow stronger from what I've been through. Rather than live in self pitty and be depressed because of it. I am tired of people telling me they can't do anything about it. but if you honestly set your mind to what you are going through and understand you can have a better healthier life than you can do it. All it takes is a few patients and faith in yourself. If you can't forgive yourself than you can't forgive anyone else. Everything is inside you. Be what you want to be with great pride and don't ever say NEVER!